When College Finally Hits You

 

I know 2 or so months ago, I made a blog about college hitting me…

But that…that was a lie.

At the time, I THOUGHT I had made the realization that high school is over and I’m starting college…but honestly, this feeling didn’t hit me for real until a few weeks ago.

You see, it didn’t really hit me until I signed up for college classes.  Once I was figuring out what classes I was going to take, my mind said “Wow, Sarah, you’re actually going to college.” It was a crazy revelation.

I realized it even more when I noticed it was the end of July (now the beginning of August) and I thought about the fact that I hadn’t seen any of my friends really during the summer.

It’s funny; the end of your senior year at graduation, you hug people and tell them that you’re going to hang out this summer. But I haven’t really hung out with anyone…well, except one of my best friends in the whole entire world, which was awesome of course…but still there are other people as well.  I only have 6 days left until I leave for college…and there are so many people I want to see and haven’t gotten to see yet.  I just…I hope I get to see them before it’s too late.

It’s not like the previous years where I can just wait for school to start to see them.  It’s not like I’ll be walking into the same building, waiting in the cafeteria every morning like I had before…going to my FBLA advisory in the morning on the first day and then to my classes and seeing my friends and teachers.  It’s odd to think that the people I grew up with…I won’t be seeing them for a long time.  I mean, I’ve lived here for 8 years.  And people I got used to seeing on a daily basis…I won’t be able to see them anymore.  If I don’t see these people now…I won’t see them until April.  If then. 

I feel as though if I don’t see some of these people now, we’ll just continue to drift apart until I never hear from them at all anymore.  And that scares me.  I started to realize this when I was writing yearbook entries.

I spend a lot of time on each entry I write; especially since it was my senior year, I wrote down as much as I could.  And I didn’t care how much space I took up…I put my heart and soul into each individual entry.  And for some of them I got pretty long responses…but for others…they barely wrote anything.  That made me realize that a lot of people meant more to me than I meant to them. And even though I really cared about seeing them this summer, they most likely didn’t feel the same for me.

It’s odd to think that I’m almost eighteen years old. Legally an adult.  I mean, where did that time go?  And I don’t feel any different…

I think that’s how life gets you; it sneaks up on you a little at a time so you don’t notice.  And then one day it hits you and you realize just how far you’ve come, and you see just how much further you have left to go.

It hit me further when I started to clean my room.  It’s a mess and I really need it to be organized so I can figure out what I want to take with me to college and what I won’t mind leaving here.  And when I was going through my papers…I decided to throw away all my papers from high school I didn’t need anymore..

 

This picture…this was high school.

This was a majority of the papers…you can’t really tell how much is there, but there is a lot…it’s just all piled underneath.  There are papers from elementary school in there too…and middle school…this is basically what my schooling as I knew it consisted of.

Chemistry. AP European History. Physics. AP American History (I and II). Latin (I and II). Sociology. Psychology, PreCalculus. Earth Systems Science. Civics. Algebra II. Lab after lab after lab. Scantrons. Tests. Quizzes. Studying aids…There are even fliers for prom and other social events in there.  And my finger splint I used when I hurt my pinky in dodgeball Junior year.

It’s hard to come to terms with all this.  I mean, I know high school was only 4 years, but it was a huge part of my life.  And it’s going to take me awhile to get used to the fact that I won’t be going back to that school anymore.  I’m going to have to get used to saying “Yeah, I graduated with him/her”.  I’ll have to get used to doing all the college work on my own without much assistance.  It’s a scary thought.

It feels as though my life is actually starting now.  Like, honestly and truly starting.  And I don’t think I’m ready for it…

And even if I’m not ready, I’m going to have to face it anyways.  And learn as I go. 

It’s at least a little comforting to know that if everything goes wrong, there will still be people out there I can turn to for some help…and even when I graduate college and am on my own, there are some people I will be able to go to for help for the rest of my life.  And that gives me comfort.  It makes me feel lucky.

I’m also lucky I got the loan..

Yes, I did get it, but I am seriously getting screwed over for it. I borrowed $11,098 and am going to probably pay back $27,000 which…really sucks. But I’m glad I got the loan.

Anyways, yeah. That just about sums up everything.

You know, I’ve been working on cleaning my room a good 3 weeks now, and it doesn’t look like I’ve done anything.  It sucks! Especially since it’s getting down to a crucial time where I need to get done as much as I possibly can.  I have today and tomorrow to come up with a list of things I need for college, Saturday to go shopping for those things, and Sunday/Monday to finish cleaning. By Tuesday I need to have all my stuff packed, and then Wednesday me and my dad are leaving for Utah.  Then Thursday me and my dad are going to drive around and check out the area.  Friday, I move into my dorm…and then I’m on my own.  My dad’s flying back home on Saturday and I won’t see him until April probably.

And sadly, I know April will be here before I know it.

That only scares me because April is 8 months from now…and that’s a long time to have fly past you.

I just hope I can get everything done in time.  I’m crossing my fingers.

I really want everything to go well too with college.  I really hope it does.  I want to have an amazing college experience, and hopefully I will.

Okay, I’ll stop talking now.  I hope you guys didn’t mind my ranting about how sad it is to be going away…but you know, it’s kind of a big deal. At least to me.