Senior Reflection

(Even though this time I feel as though I really want to jump into the blog, I’m going to take the time to tell you that the font I’m using is Segoe Print. I use Segoe Script when I talk to people on msn, but I’m just using the Print version of it for this blog. Maybe next time I’ll use the Script. Which looks basically the same…but not. Anyways…)

On the 27th of May, 2011, at 3:35 pm, I made a startling realization.  I realized that I’m graduating in less than two weeks. Graduating.  As in, ending one chapter of my life, and starting a new one.  It’s insane.  It feels like just yesterday I was moving into this house, talking to my neighbor about school.  She had said I looked like I was in 6th grade, and I told her ‘No, I wish. I’m only in 4th’.  She told me that I should treasure my youth. Because when I’m older, I’ll wish I was younger again.  And boy, was she right.  Time flies by so fast…

It feels like just yesterday I was living in Germany, starting Kindergarten, and they had to pull my mother away from me.  I was crying and so was she.  It was a very emotional time.  I remember that day I wasn’t really part of the class..the teacher’s assistant had me go to the back and help her organize all the school supplies because I was so freaked out over being away from my mom. 

I remember losing my first tooth.  I was eating a piece of cake and thought it was a lot more firm then it was…and bit right into it. My tooth came out. My mom cried then too.  My mom has cried an awful lot over the years because of me.  Good and bad. Oh well.

I remember moving from Germany to Virginia and being in Mr. Steiner’s Kindergarten class. I talked during Arthur and had to flip a card. Haha. I was mortified.  The next year I was in the middle of a ‘fight’ and flipped a card then too.  In second grade I flipped a card for talking when the teacher was explaining something.  Jeez I was a bad kid.  In second grade I also forced two kids to kiss on the playground…

Then I moved to Cascade, Maryland, and went to 3rd and part of 4th grade.  It was a cute little school where everyone knew everyone else.  I miss that.

Then, Summitview, WAMS, and finally WASHS, where I’ll be graduating in less than two weeks.  Approximately one week is more realistic.

I wish I could go back in time. Because it just hit me.  I thought to myself yesterday “Wow….I’m really graduating.”  Before then, I was almost in denial.  I was thinking time would just stop, or would go backwards and I wouldn’t have to think about graduating.  But yesterday, I came to accept the fact that I will be graduating.  I’m coming to accept the fact that I’m going away to college and starting my life.  And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.

It scares me quite a lot actually.  I don’t know anything.  Of course I’ll have people around, hanging in the shadows to assist me when I really need it, but otherwise, I’m utterly on my own.  And I can’t believe that this day has come.

You always think when you’re little “I can’t wait to grow up and be on my own! I can eat what I want, when I want, and have no rules! I can run around naked!” Well, besides the running around naked (at least not in college) it’s true. 

And to this day, I always think “I can’t wait to get out of this house” and honestly, I can’t wait.  I hate living here.  But at the same time, I love it.  Well, I at least love my room.

See my room?  It’s a little different now, but that wall hasn’t changed much since that picture was taken last year.  I love my room. It’s…mine.  And I want to take it with me to college because I love it…but I can’t.  I just…I can’t.  And it depresses me.  One cultivated their very identity when they create their room.  And I feel that if I leave my room, I’m leaving behind a large piece of me.  And I don’t know if when I return from college during breaks if my room will be the same.  One of my sisters will most likely have moved into it and it won’t be the same.  And even if it is there…I don’t know if it will make me feel as good as it makes me feel now. 

Odd thing for me to do, reminisce about how much my room means to me. But I can’t help it.  It is who I am.

Over the years I’ve really grown up.  I’ve changed.  I’ve had my likes and my dislikes, my obsessions, and I’ve learned.  I’ve learned so much in my short (almost) 18 years on Earth.

But most of all, I’ve learned to love the person who I am today.  I love the person I am. And I hope I always will.

So, on June 7th, when I wear my cap and gown and they hand me my diploma, I know I’ll be ready.  It’ll be scary at first, but I know I’m going to be ready to take on the world.